Author: anne8991

It will always amuse me when

People think about the wrong focus

I’m not shallow or insecure

I may not have much but I am blessed

If I allowed you in my life to share what little I have & you take advantage….. shame on you

Even if I have had nothing, I blessed you with something

If I had the time for you, be mindful my time is precious

Precious enough to give some to you

Material things don’t impress me

Those things come & go

Remember I gave you time to elevate for you

That time was wasted

That is on you

Tell your story but tell the truth

The road to heaven & hell are paved with good intentions

I reap my rewards alone, so thank you

Your focus should not be a facade immitating but not real & not truth

I was down for you

& live life for yourself & stop having others cosign the fake in you

Your immaturity sadly rang out loud & clear

Ultimately dampering your time here

I wish you happiness and peace

You just can’t get it with me, not right here

Now the right one for you should appear

I was your blessing & I know you don’t tell it that way

Too little too late, sad & bitter sweet

So with that said, Have a nice day!

My life is a big disastrous beautiful nightmarish twist but in short a miracle.

My Aunt Pat reminded me that it’s ok to want to be accepted. I’ve searched so hard for a smithers of belonging, never feeling like I truly fit in.

When the feeling of something has been missing your whole life, what fills that void?

Now the waiting game for this man that had half to do with creating me trying to find it within himself to face his choices in his past, leaves me shaking my head….

Questioning shit loads of events in my life

I’m just trying to sort it all out

Where do I start?

I hurt Luis and spent 28 years atoning for him but in turn for him to hurt me in return.

This will NOT be accepted at all

I’ve been humiliated, humbled & disrespected

Those feelings will never go awway

An entire community of people we know seeing the bullshit play out so clearly

Its digusting…

Does it cost anything to just be a good person? NO

I’m an extremely good person, I’m just mad as fuck

How did I get here?

why did it have to play out like this?

What will happen next?

I’m a mess

So let me be clear…. I have many friends & their sexual orientation has NEVER been my concern

I have had compliments from the same sex & have been flattered but it’s not my speed

I see things on social media that I leave a like for this reason or that

The eye shadow looks spot on, the outfit is killer, or even down to a smashing pair of heels…. because let’s face it pretty is pretty- I’m not blind

I am very comfortable in who I am… & what I like!

That does not make me adventurous enough to think in a way that is just not in my make up… just not my preference… real simple

I can definitely see what taste in looks or style I think are appealing & comment accordingly for me

But to recently be asked, have you ever been with a woman for the 4th or 5th time to come out a mouth

This leads me to believe that there is an ulterior motive

I have not, will not, nor will I continue to entertain the line of conversation….

I have never judged anyone who makes that choice for themselves.

Love is love, regardless of orientation… I believe that strongly

I’m adult enough to stand my ground on my opinions & remain friends

Just because I’m not interested in that flavor or lifestyle for myself doesn’t mean I disrespect them as individuals

Nor will I allow that hinder a great friendship

In short, the meaning behind the question leaves me with these thoughts: that person wanted me to join in a group for a personal fantasy & didn’t have the courage to straight ask me but instead accused…

Hey if that’s your fantasy~ have at it… lol enjoy

The fact that I was asked did not offend me, it was the point that I answered my disinterest multiple times… are ya deaf? No thank you

If you continue to ask, that is a different perspective all together

Now being friends is one thing but disregarding my feeling is another…

The retort was: well what if I hung out with a bunch of guys that are gay, what would you think?

Ok~ should I be funny or serious? (I dont wanna piss anyone off but…)

If ya did: you’d speak clearer, dress better, clean those damn nails better, eat better & fuck for that matter probably be a better human!

Or there is the possibility you just may secretly want the D… so with that said~ Have you?

I’ve had to stop myself many times about writing this…

Recently, I was in a relationship with someone much much younger than I am.

I’ve had my heart broken so I’ve been broken.

I was honest about this from the word go.

Due to the age difference there were alot of comprises made.

I thought~ let me give this a shot…

I explained how I am constantly so there wouldn’t be any shocking details left out.

There were always compliments, which were wonderful.

In the history of never did I expect certain things to play out as they did…

Of course I was sweet on him from the word go but things just weren’t adding up..

Things can never go well when you have to ask family members if certain behaviors are the norm for him…

Look, I’m not trying to be hurtful or mean but wtf

I kept being told research depression… so I did

If the sole problem was depression, I could handle that…

The mood swings, understandable to a degree & boy there were alot of them…

Silent treatment crap… also understandable to a degree… but when that crap gets to be a daily routine, no bueno

Hot headed temper tantrums became a constant

Silence immediately upon walking in the door… always walking around with this angry face…

But what through me over the edge was the growling through the teeth while standing over me in an disageements… now that was a game changer

I’m a pretty calm person for the most part, but when you hit certain buttons all the time… the nice Anne goes to shit…

I noticed I was constantly angry, all the time… especially at him

I already had alot of shit on my plate & for these behaviors to become normal I’d had enough.

Why is it when you are dealing with someone that has these behaviors, everyone else is to blame?

You’re constantly on alert, the ever feeling of something is going to go wrong & it lingers over you & you never know what it will be to set them off.

At 49, I think I’m pretty good at reading the writing on the wall…

I am no angel & I have huge flaws but this was too much…

The ever alluding to taking over all the bills… ummmm no sir, that never happened

The promises, oh the promises… when things are done to prevent money flow- how can there be any?

Missed days, half days… excuses out of no where… & the attitude that would ensue once the paycheck wasn’t what was required… lord

You can’t tell me that doing nice things here & there will make up for it.

While I sincerely appropriated them, it’s NOT enough & was never consistent

I’m not trying to hurt him or discredit him at all by speaking my truth…

There’s a point when you have to cut your losses & put your foot down…

I’m NOT going to air his dirty laundry but I will say this… depression & manipulation are two completely different animals.

When revealing history be mindful that time lines need to match… I got none of that.

There is absolutely no way that all these events could take place unless they started when you were 5… I’m not an idiot…

The opportunity was given to elevate… that never happened

There was always an excuse… added in with silence & hot headed temper tantrums

When is enough enough?

End game was “You better call my mom & tell her why you are doing this, I need her to know it’s not my fault!” & let’s not forget the “I’m glad you came back because I was going to clear out this mf’er”

What the bloody fuck? Is this a joke? All the I’m sorries in the world can’t fix that!

So you came here with nothing but wanna leave here grinching my shit? Fuck no!

All the days home early but pitching a fit everytime a check looks fucked up… wth

Again, Constantly talking about emptying your bank account for me… with what? Not always working a full week & ending up with poor checks… by giving 3 or 4 here & there, not so much. Did you give me money? Sure but not near what you claim….

& the loans, omg… just a mess

I’m not to blame for the loans, I kept saying please don’t get them…. just stop

On top of that, the endless posts on fb with the claims that they were “In General”

& then the verbal fb attack on my son, which he claims to love like a brother… just stop

At first we were all nice & neatly tucked under a wing & then disregarded like trash

In the end, it leaves me with “A lesson learned ” NEVER ever ignore a gut instict, follow the voice telling you strongly, this will not end well

A boom! It’s just sad!

This shit isn’t funny anymore

If you want to be useful & throw money around at least put it to things needed

They need therapy, intervention or rehabilitation, tbi studies

Get thier health issues in order

Not tinted windows or a car stereo bitch or a car & a truck paid off

It’s all fun & games flying back & forth to purchase a place in this man’s & our son’s life

You sanctimonious gargantuan tree hugging two faced baboon butt

Self serving whorish cunt

Life isn’t all sunshine, roses & daisies

Its serious af

My poor son has suffered from traumatic events & has chosen to drowned it in alcohol

Conclusion: My son needs help!

Giving him money won’t help him, you are a whole clown & I dont find this shit funny anymore

Your exsistance is a joke

In & out of town opening your pussy & your purse like a whore

If you gave one once of a shit you’d have Luis get treated for his TBI & Alex help for PTSD

Let’s get this really clear, I laugh that you throw all this money at him & Al

Could you for 2 seconds wrap your mind around the fact that money doesn’t buy love

Do something useful with it, stupid whore

Transgender looking man head, Fake ass, 17 years old mentality having, cum guzzling slut

Oh & fuck you if you dont like that….

This is my blog bitch, sit down stupid clown

Every time you eat from a plate & drink from a cup

You will remember me

I’m in all the things around you

Parts of me that you tried to erase

Since you still watch me playing tricks with you mind

I’m who you see as she opens her mouth to eat, lick or drink

You forever see me & feel me as she touches your skin

Try & forget me,…

I can be forever haunting

I may not have her style & that’s ok

The picture in your mind is enough to withstand

You will regret every action taken against me in time

I’m the one you call to sooth you each & everytime

While your claims of betrayal ensues

You silly clown

Our connection toils with you

Was it my good grace or touch of my skin?

My being that taunts you?

It can’t be washed away

I’m in your mind even as you pray

That small wiggle, or tickle that I do

Creates a vision as you think never escaping you

My essence permeates time & space

With your words you admit

Every time you call to twist a tail

I was listening & noting

I’m in your silly head

I’m not pretending or filled with delusions at all

You took your chances, yes that’s true

I’ve never been fooled by you

I stand tall

I can write, read & edit what’s left of you

I’m no angel, thats a fact

I opened my heart & gave what I had

& still only received meer pieces of you

Batman’s butler, is the name given to you

My kindness was shared without a second thought

Fight that in your memory you sorry punk ass fool..

You’re plain evil incarnate, I see…

Your excuse are sadly; your mom taught you that

Stating your dad left you

& your mom is to blame

Stand on your own

Oh that’s right, you can’t

It’s not you fault

its not in your soul to be that guy

Upstanding, wholesome & true

Your supposed to be a grown man, you’re incapable too

How could I forget that?

Constantly asking for money

From your sister, your mother & me too

It’s women like us, that put that fire in your skin willingly

Play it over in your mind, like a broke tape

Karma will always be proven

Take credit for your uselessness, or try please

We all didn’t do a damn thing

We gave & gave

You took & took

With everything you do dirty

Your father’s in his grave turning & turning

I’m not mean for sharing these things

I’m just releasing the pain you unfortunately bestowed upon me

When you ignored & blocked me

You thought it was torture

Never realizing I’d one day recover

you were not a lasting thing

I’ve grown stronger as each as the pages spill from my mind

This is my story to share with whomever

The pain left on me will fade with time

Silly rabbit, you didn’t get the best of me

Wiped completely from my mind in time

Better yet, eventually forever

There are things that happen in your life that you can’t change, so you move on…

It’s not about being vengeful or hateful…

The events may change you but the feelings still linger on.

Facing your past with full responsibility and accountability are key, for me

I’m no one to judge, those actions that can’t be forgotten only reflected upon

If your just a shitty person, you can’t help who you are!

I’m flawed, betrayed and sometimes broken

I am here, I survived your evil intention…

I am not a victim of anything done to me

I am strong, beautiful and victorious

So, you wear the mask proudly

I’ve found strength that was always inside of me

It’s time to live my life for me

Your chapter is over, and I keep going

It was your choice not to be beside me

Revel in that plan because the universe will bring you misery

I will continue my journey without you happily

My life is not a fairytale…

Not sure it will have a happy ending

I’m dealing with a struggle

That’s deep in my mind

Thoughts keep coming to my fingers to write

Is there peace in sight?

Why do thoughts of you come to me

When I should feel free

I’m haunted by each memory

I’m not bitter, stay with her

She will fail as others before her

This I can absolutely guarantee

A thousand hers will never replace me

She calls you her king & I dont see it

No armor that’s bright & shining

Does she know your minds running all the time of

The thoughts of Our past, she was never in

At her best, she’ll never compair

To all the slivers, or broken pieces of me

All family ties, bind

Remeber the vow?

For better or worse

Richer or poorer

Til death do us part, that didn’t include her

When we said them

We believed them

& look at us now

You claim to be with her, for now

Its pitiful seeing you 2 together

Acting like children, purposely laughing & giggling

You gave me your heart or do you remeber?

The accident changed you

It’s kind of frightening

Your cold & calas just like your surroundings

You say you have doubts about moving away

All the things you’ve done

Cant be erased

No amount of I’m sorries

can replace

or Fix the the shattered pieces

you left my heart

Or mend the promises

made on Our wedding day!

My hearts in pieces on the floor

Stand proud King, take that last bow

We never really know what the future holds

Time is strong putting us all on hold

Here’s the thing

I’m not a puppet on a string

Sitting out here wondering

I’m not filled with cotton

Left dangling

Life’s lessons are gifts for all to see

I was your blessing, thrown to the sea

I was challenging & also frustrating

I’m complicated but amazing

Compliments from you, I will not hear

For that I shed not even one tear

Wasted time was mine to bare

& now you are in despair

I’m free of all the lies you told

I should cheer, clap & be bold

I’m settling in comfort now

You so easily thought I was your clown

In time I’ll take a final bow

So this is my stage

So sit down because

You are no longer a part of it

I have no regrets

In choices I made

This is my life

I choose to live it

Thanking God

While you are not in it

I’m just angry

At the betrayal

All the sweet lies

Promises to change

Lack of compassion

The indecency of it all

Every person that said they were different & proved they weren’t

My mother

Being treated like a joke

The waiting

The deception

The family secrets

The drama

The pain and tears

The searching & hoping

Loves lost and some released

The failures

All the times I turned the other cheek, just to have it wripped off

In incessant ringing in my ears

As the tears fall, I get no peace

I’m swallowed up with grief

I haven’t even scratched the surface of all this anger

So what else do I say ….right now?