Thinking

My life is a big disastrous beautiful nightmarish twist but in short a miracle.

My Aunt Pat reminded me that it’s ok to want to be accepted. I’ve searched so hard for a smithers of belonging, never feeling like I truly fit in.

When the feeling of something has been missing your whole life, what fills that void?

Now the waiting game for this man that had half to do with creating me trying to find it within himself to face his choices in his past, leaves me shaking my head….

Questioning shit loads of events in my life

I’m just trying to sort it all out

Where do I start?

I hurt Luis and spent 28 years atoning for him but in turn for him to hurt me in return.

This will NOT be accepted at all

I’ve been humiliated, humbled & disrespected

Those feelings will never go awway

An entire community of people we know seeing the bullshit play out so clearly

Its digusting…

Does it cost anything to just be a good person? NO

I’m an extremely good person, I’m just mad as fuck

How did I get here?

why did it have to play out like this?

What will happen next?

I’m a mess