Author: anne8991

as I splash my pain across these pages

and let tears fall from my eyes

what’s done is done

No amount of I’m sorrys will ever be enough from both sides

I just wanted it all to stop

the wondering, & the wishing is over

for no more hurting & no more pain

I will whisper a prayer of healing across the night sky

& hope it meets its destination

I finally bit the bullet & texted

I wanted to make peace or try

that’s not how it went

I needed to say what caused my pain

I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling

because he never told me & he didn’t even try

I wish I could wave a magic wand

& make all that pain go away for him

but he’s still hurt

I was tired of the lies

I truly wish the best for him in all that he does

to wish that final Happy Birthday

but he never even replied

I tried make peace & not be enemies

I left him alone until now it was for so long

I am amazed he repled… he didn’t before

I thought I could find the right words

With no anger or malice in my heart

but unfortunately my words fall short

I will think of him often & in love

with all the fond memories of all the good.. disregard negative & bad

I pray he finds peace within himself

to be the bright star

I always saw in his eyes

I still love him & always will

one day he will find peace in his heart

& a calmness in his soul

Noone can erase what has been done

but with a smile & a tear

I am at peace… that is a work in progress

nothing beats a fail but a try

truth is I never wanted to say Goodbye

my ears are ringing and I can’t make them stop

sometimes when I say your name the sound mysteriously stops

I go days without sleeping

and its driving me crazy

my heart is at peace knowing I will never see you

I’ve released all the negativity

and pray that your choices were worth the pain you sent me

I can’t give you the things that youth will

karma will hand you what you deserve

your patterns are showing like a beacon of light in the dark of night

she won’t bring you the calmness I did

she’s too young to grasp tame that beast you hold within

being with her will be easy, so enjoy that for now

you’ll be disappointed when you realize there’s no substance inside her

harsh truth shines bright

now its to late to escape

too tired to continue with this line of thought

so I’ll drift off to sleep & be at peace

in that sleepy plain for you I’ll haunt your dreams

Do I miss you: Yes
Do I want to speak to you: Yes
Do I wish you harm: No not at all
Do I pray for your healing: Absolutely 100 %
Being under pressure made my inner Diamond shine.
The absence of my presence will haunt you.
I’m aware you see the signs…
Releasing you wasn’t easy… but I did.
.. your type of toxic was disturbing my peace!
Like a Phoenix from within the ash, I rise.

So I’m convinced that every person we encounter in our life has a purpose.

whether it be for a smile or a blessing & quite possibly just a lesson.

they leave pieces of themselves with you.

some are happy & some are sad.

some heal you and some scar you.

it leads me to think. what impression do I leave?

I’m sure thier are people out there that either love me or detest me.

what tangible or intangible pieces did I leave?

so starting today I am making a plan too attempt to leave positive pieces of myself from now on.

smile more

share more

I am going to try to do something nice for a stranger everyday for 30 days.

if that means I need to go out of my way & out of my comfort zone, that’s what I’m going to do….

not sure if I want to video about it but I will share each & every thing…

not for bragging but for a boost of my own self esteem.

I believe, I need this for me…

the first step too healing is to admit you have a problem.

confront it head on & make a plan to fix it.

I’m planning on doing multiple good deeds for everytime I was dealt pain.

so this will be a journey because I’m so angry.

& because I’m depressed, this will be a task that takes some sincere thinking and lots of effort.

so this will start with a simple trip out the house….

to the gas station or to grab my coffee

this will be fun..

it was an interesting day

started work with an argument at work

I refused to be treated in a substandard manner so I left early

I went to my Dad’s & had a nice long talk with him & Suzi

some laughs and some tears

I’m going to continue to male growth

I can only make 1 step at a time

my mind is running like a sped up slide show movie…

frame after fame

in quick succession

sometimes I can get a grasp on it & others not a chance

I know some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

I just need my heart to heal

I need to accept that some apologies I will never get

I need to accept that I’m not going to the priority I wish I was

I need to let go

in a healthy way

I need to let go of the toxic & move on

its ok not to be chosen

its ok not to be the best for the wrong one

my right 1 is coming

one day….

so for now I will date Hallmark

& over load on the romance there

I just keep thinking about “Remember Sunday”

what a special innovative & inspired love

I want someone to love me like that

fresh & new and tries everyday

that takes my breath away