Author: anne8991

you had a glow

a sparkle

and I saw you

far before you saw me

we came together

if only for a moment

to walk a path

to share some love& light

and at some point

for whatever reason

you threatened your own life

that glow, ans sparkle

started to loose that shine

I pulled off your mask

sadly to find

you were not mine

you had demons

that I couldn’t fight

that season left

dimmed your light

I had to let you go

so you toxic energy wouldn’t drain mine

to drowned in your own hell

the darkness enveloped you

and in that darkness

you disappear

you arenot recognized

you don’t exist anymore

my heart, my mind & my bound hands

are finally free

no more JDW

I write to you

to tell you that I love you

unhindered with guilt

unchained & free… why have you

trained your spirit

be bold & shine

and ease your pain

stop being so damned affraid

I believe in you

when you don’t believe in yourself

release all your worry & doubt

I cherish you

and all your flaws

embrace it, let it all hang out

I reclaim your heart

& recall all positive energy

because it will always be mine

a love affair for infinity

I sooth you when you are affraid

& dance while listening to the rain

to booms of thunder

while you skake in fear

I hold you when I can

your peace is paramount

in the castle of your heart

I’m here to protect it with my might

sword drawn to fight

I wish I could hug you more

I’m sorry I don’t do that enough

I see that now

I promise that will be fullfilled

I see you through

relentlessly, please trust

when noone else does

I cook for you

to enjoy every morsel

I laugh with you

at jokes noone else thinks are funny

you know your laugh is truly adorable

I watch movies with you

even if the aren’t that good

take the good with the bad

each thing you do

results in your discretion

and allow yourself to be who you are

keep being a freakin Rock star

I hold your hand

because I love how it feels

I brush your hair

and with each stroke

I love you more and more

no matter if its long or short

I hurt when you cry

tears never feel good

when they burn your cheeks

wipe away all the ashes & soit

I’m sorry if I’m not patient with you

I need to do better

it breaks my heart to know

the countless times I have failed you

its ok when you break down

I’m right here to console you

I love you like noone else can

your soul is my holy grail

I will die to protect you

you are not a clown

like so many proclaimed

when others ridiculously

throw dirt on your name

I will always be around

a knight in shining armor if you will

I will straighten your crown

& watch it sparkle

in audacious glory

I will stand up

I’ll be right beside you

you can count on me

come rain or shine

when shit goes down

I will do better for you

to ensure your seat in heaven

I will admire you

and praise you

& definitely scold you

if you step out of character

because ugly is nasty

& you can be better

and its not your nature

to be mean to anybody

while we are alone & in a crowd

I’ll make you smile

I’ll tell you jokes

with that contagious giggle

& when your mind is spiraling

out of control

I’ll be your calm voice

to speak knowledge & truth

to pull you out of the dark

I promise to always lend an ear

to be your rock

a shoulder to lean on

to remind you your special

that love comes from within

you touch peoples lives

each & everyday

hero’s stay silent

that’s what make them so

you are someone’s angel

with a tilted halo

you’re my saving grace

I will remember

every kind act

& pay it forward

when noone else sees

please know, I do

you are my hero

& you do that in silence

with no recognition

with style and grace

you carry angel wings

showered with love

walking here on earth

with God’s good grace & love

I’m in love with you

& the soft curves of your face

I absolutely love

everything about you

no enemy can destroy you

with malice and petulance

shame on those that have hurt you

they’ve no idea of your power

kindness is stronger

acts are miracles you share day to day

each patient is effected

they thank you in thier own way

that kind of love can erase

all racism and hate

more of that could cure the world

keep praying some day it might

you’ve got a pure heart

while still a child inside

free yourself of all the pain

I’m right here with you

through it all

look in the mirror

& tell yourself that everyday

you are not crazy

you’re beautiful

& so very strong

stop letting those words hurt you

& remember who said them

smile as you let them go

its thier loss

for not basking

in your precious glow

God graced you each day

when you wake up

& your feet touched the floor

you are a blessing

your one of his children

I know it will take you time

to heal and renew

be joyful & kind

each day is a gift just for you

its ok not to be ok sometimes

I got you

listen to music

try and just relax

& dance like noone is watching

allow yourself to be goofy

its ok if people laugh

I say this with truth

& love from my soul

& all the love I can muster

be calm & share laughter

giving is loves delight

every time you can

smile as bright as you can

the twinkle in your eyes

is as grand as the moon & stars

give more hugs

to everyone when you can

hug are love

which doesn’t cost a thing

because its spreading love

removing someone else’s pain

you are the Queen of hearts

never forget that

I love you with my whole heart

for forever & a day

kindness returns 10 fold

its sometimes so unexpected

you amaze me with hidden talents

to share with the world

emotions become balanced

so sit back & enjoy

then release some of your tears

when you give love like you do

& thank heaven for the gift of self

an imagination so strong

inside your head

you’ve created such a beautiful place

to allow yourself to escape

your visions are colorful

as you throw words across the page

inspire yourself

let your mind race

for writing & not holding back

this beautiful love letter

to your soul itself

I don’t know how or why

but at every job I have

I have 1 person that can’t stand me

for whatever reason

I’m the devil incarnate

I’m the topic of every conversation

I’m the bane of thier existence

the thorn in thier side

but this new one

really takes the cake

she absolutely hates me

they gave her a chance

& to put it plain

she failed, miserably

& here I come

& knock that shit out the Park

I’m killin it

turning out cases like no sweat

to her, I’m the biggest POS

I’m doing the job

you so obviously couldn’t

I’m not even on full blast

I’m doing my natural thing

she told them I’m stealing

& of all things cheerios

are you fucking kidding me?

I’m sneaking in the office after its closed

& stealing food, wtf

I just can’t believe it

stupid shit, like I turned off a phone

& forwarded all the calls

come on, who’d do that?

she sent countless order to hospitals

knowing the cases were already taken care of

sending stupid messages

she’s relentless & petty

you know its taking me longer to type this

than the 0% of energy she even gets from me

honestly

she needs to go sit down somewhere

pathetic really

silly rabbit tricks are for…

ya dumbass overgrown kid

I feel like saying

be gone or I’ll drop a house on you

even that is a waste of my energy

silly trolling fool

why is it

that no matter

where I go

or what I do

there’s always

one chick

that acts like an ass

and fucks with my flow

I can’t explain the disappointment

in every last one

God damn

why can’t they just leave me alone

I’m bold and strong

and stay in my lane

but this one finds a way

to fuck with my space

I’m loyal and kind

and do the best

that I can

but again

another one messing with my plan

I’m doing this job

with every ounce of grace

that I can

but Evelyn is screwing around

just send me my dr orders

patients are prioritized, man

I give her less than 2%

of my energy

& yet she tries to antagonize

and doing it bluntly

regardless of her intention

I set my goals politely

look hard at the calendar

I’m packing it precisely

I will not allow you to interrupt

or damper my grind

she is insignificant

and nasty

sharing details of her life

that others share trightly

you look like a fool

with constant digging

at my efforts

stupid ass, take some golyetly

like shit that’s expressed

I will do my job without fighting

I do my job

to make these Dr’s very happy

so I’ll do my job

and pretend she’s not there

bc in the end

my job, is sharing knowledge

and a helping hand

I keep pt’s satisfied & happy

I share wisdom when asked

and I do all I can

in the end I know

not everyone will be ecstatic or thankful

but its those pt that understand

I am doing my best

they become a family

that treat me with

dignity and respect

I treat this job

like tetras

& fill holes where I can

like everyone else

I like to be praised

but for those little shits

who try to create negativity

and throw verbal blows

I will continue to show

happy pt’s & Dr’s

is always my goal

so for this brat

take wings like a nat

before someone swings a swatter

& you go spat

I can’t count how many times

I’ve said, what did the dr tell you?

you must follow that

& that is a fact

the things I write

have no particular order

they come to me to release

and that is what I will do

how many times

must I say

this is for me not you

if you have stories to tell

buy a domaine

and begin writing

because this platform

right here is for me

so get off mine

and write yours

in your own special way

because if you attack me

I will put you to shame

I’m freeing myself

of torture, pain & indignities

I will not feel shame

and I will take my own blame

I know I’m not an angel

but I was put here

for a reason

I touch lives

in ways noone knows about

I help rise

I don’t make others

hurt the way they hurt me

as my dad says,

“Say what you need to with tact & diplomacy!”

so negativity can use

the door to the left

there is no room here

for all that mess

since I can remember

I’ve wanted to write

and a few years ago

my little sister Amanda

showed me the healing strength

to set my thoughts free

by simply writing

and being me

as I’ve said this is

mine is all and mine alone

its not for debate

or others to chime in

its to free

my emotions

and to set my tone

I’m not an evil person

because of the thoughts

flowing through

my mind

it brings me peace

again mine and mine alone

I used to run

and that set me free

but now

its to release demons

inside my mind

that run over and over

like movie scenes

Noone should chime in

and say not one single thing

I’m finally at peace

with the person

I am and the one I’m becoming

so when I have thoughts

that over run my mind

I dream and think of

of how I will recite

to get it all out my head

I’m loving and joyful

most of the time

so if you are struck

with my nasty side

just know I treat you

exactly how I feel you deserve

this is how I am

so love me or hate me

quite frankly I don’t give a damn

I’m addicted to Hallmark

because that just how I am

I love popcorn & pizza

my morning coffees a must

so bring all the negativity

straight to the dump

I don’t care how

I’m precevied

because that’s none of my business

I live my life as positive

as I can

so don’t come to me

and judge

because I will take a stand

don’t judge or berate me

in any fashion

because writing is my passion

and I will tell your truth

as you’ve come across

to me in my life

I have style & grace

in the way I share my thoughts

or I will write it down

and let my mind sort

it all out.

my mind is my sword

& I use it precisely

because crossing me

by choice was your cross to bare

I don’t write every thought I have

but if I could get paid for it

holy cow!!

I stay in my lane

by writing to keep my mind clear

and hell it, makes me feel better

so there

as I look at the people in my life

both past and present

I see people that have shaped me

in one way or another

the women in my life have been

strong and bold

intelligent, witty, sarcastic

at at time warranted or not

out right vicious and cruel

whether it be thier up bringing

or cruelty dealt them

its no excuse to spread that negativity

this platform is mine

at at no point will I explain

make excuses or apologize

for anything I write or feel

I’m tired of having to explain myself

if you don’t like my truth

in my expression

to ease my inner hurt

don’t read my shit

point blank period

back to my thoughts

the one man in life

my dad… while not perfect

and had his ways

while at times astranged

through misguided intentions or

not he is MY dad

when I was young he claimed me

as his child, and did so with his whole heart

he was not evil, he was not cruel

he was & is strong

he shared his wisdom & with

dignity and charm

also a very sarcastic & witty

he was the first impression

of how a man is supposed to be

while he had his ways

and being young I didn’t understand them

I don’t believe he ever meant me any harm

back to my point

the 3 most important people

in my life….

like I said helped shape me

good,bad and indifferent

these are facts

2 of them in a war

that everyone lost

My mom and my dad

these 2 people were perfect

it took me a very long time to grasp

they both were just like me

with a life of things that shaped them too

& 1 day out of nowhere my life broke into 2

later into 3 but I’m not there yet.

back to my little piece of paradise

well not so paradise with 2 older brothers

that tortured me relentlessly

& always got away with it

I was an awkward kid

that daughter demons & wet the bed

looking back now

I was pretty clever

what an easy way to keep the demons away

I would rather take a painful

ass woopin & some humiliation

with jokes and teasing

than have a demon try to touch

or mess with me in my sleep

but I’m not writing about that now

back to where I was going

I was a pretty good kid

& didn’t really misbehave

I knew a few things

I was hard of hearing

so when I got mad

total silence in my head

an atomic bomb could go off

this girl, nope I didn’t hear a thing

back to my Dad

I can’t remember any swears

ever coming out of his mouth

I was always impressed by that

So when my world calapsed

and everything was changing

I felt I got lost in the shuffle

and noone cared

so I told of my demons &

they both in thier way saved me from that

but the battle they had was crazy

and strange

I couldn’t understand

all the anger and straight rage

all I could think I needed felt about

how, what, when and why did it all change

like a switch in the night

had been flipped

& my world was inside out

this is enough for now

thinking of my past

I need to sit back & just relax

I was young & pure

but completely clueless

about relationships

with anyone & myself

not knowing what any of it meant

or was all about

fresh from a broken home

& all my safety & security

completely ripped away

I was lost

watching the 2 people

I loved most in my world

be in a devastating, unrelenting war

& then someone new

was introduced,

a new woman

I was truly confused

I was desperate to find myself

shed the pain & try not to feel broken

& then the move

being in a new city

being in a new life

which left me seeking

the interest in trying new things

I thought I knew it all

my eyes were pure

my heart was pure

never had real thought of boys

never felt to touch of a boy

& after a while

he came into my life

like a ray of sunshine

he was my brother’s friend

someone in the family circle

he made thing look so different

like a ray of hope

one to be trusted

a safe place

my eyes glowed

with every smile

& he showered me with interest

& I let him in

into my heart

we watched Tv

listened to music

cuddled innocently

for so long

built a trust

hand holding became normal

soft kisses became normal

hugs from him became normal

it was accepted & safe

it was all the trusted actions

I believed in him

trusted him implicitly

at first, visits from him were

hoped for but not expected

then visits came everyday

I was enamored unequivocally

his smile was my world

we shared everything

our talks of life

our dreams

slowly thing progressed

ever so naturally

there was a softness about him

his tone of voice so soft

his arms so tanned & smooth

soft petting became so familiar

I began to love him

I started experiencing things

I believed were ok

I learned of intimacies, that

at my age were so taboo

I never knew if he was coming… until

I would here the rumble of his car

& would become so excited

he really wanted me

bringing pizza & pepsi

doritoes and peanut M&M’s

were his thing

cuddling under a blanket

kissing, touching & exploring

& for almost a full year

more & more happening

never understanding I was too young

for that type of intimate involvement

I was head over heals

I was in a captivating love

obsessed with his touch

his expressions, his gaze

& after so long

building all that trust

how could it be wrong

the day came

that I skipped school

& ever so unkowledgeable

I returned his love

I was petrified

but I gave him

what I thought was love

shortly after he was done

I felt different, & uneasy but

I went with him to his house

we sat and had lunch

the very next day

he disappeared

I was crushed

my world had gone

I had foolish dreams

of having a dreamy future with him

even being so young

both my parents were right

& I was most definitely wrong

it was then that I finally believed

what my mother said,

“don’t share your body with him, because when he is done…. he’ll be gone!”

& she was right

he was…..

vanished like smoke

she told me not look for him

not talk to him & to just….

leave him alone

you won’t like what you will see or find

& after it all

she was right!

after some time had passed

I went to his house

with a love letter in hand

as if my written plea

would bring his love back

he hugged me

but I could feel it was different

our connection was broken

as he stepped back from me

hearing the knock on the door

as his old love stepped in

I stood there watching them hug

with smiles & glee

my love & my letter

were there pathetic

my heart & my love

lay broken & shattered

like slivers of glass all across

his living room floor

my tears burned my cheeks

as I walked home

that day

burning a whole

in my heart

that to this day have

never really gone away.

years & years later

an unexpected invitation

came to my inbox

he contacted me

I accepted the friendship

& I was given the chance

to express all those feelings

that were held bound up

way down in my heart

I released my pain

& we talked & we talked

but to this day, I remeber

that moment in my life

of pain that scared my heart

that pain has NEVER left me

& even though, I smile

& make a point to laugh & be cheerful

& as I write this very day

my tears stain my sheets

& sometimes tears graze

my pillows

I remember the sting

& no matter how many

I’m sorrys are said

or explanations are given

& sweet words shared

& following compliments

now are spoken

you can’t take back

the pile of ash

you made a choice

& left me broken

His name is David

my life is finally

prospering again

out from the shadows

of deceipts shade

I’ve started my life

over more times

than I can count

& again

I rise

to battle doubt

fuck the nay sayers

& all they bring combined

I was once called a Wildflower

had it tattooed

on my shoulder

& I wear it proudly

for all to see

negativity rears its ugly head

& still I rise

I am one of God’s beloved

I may not be unblemished

& so many times I’ve fallen

but look real close

fact is, I rise

the prospects of peace

all for a crack head daughter’s ass

fucking fool

you wanted to show people

well you sure did that

now your all by yourself

with your dumbass

don’t go in Gen Pop

those folks don’t play with pedos’.

they will get you

its a sad day

to think for a moment

I thought I loved you

going going gone

are the days of you

normal life’s freedoms

bet that dumbass girl

still doesn’t have a clue

discarded like trash

here comes the miscarriage

fake pregnancy ect.

or maybe its Ty’s or Cody’s

you never know

trash is trash

thank you for taking yourself out

& all I keep hearing is…..

going going gone!