wonder

I feel lost, does he

do I cross his mind, like he does mine

is it worth going over the thoughts of him

that smile he was my blue M&M

that energy… sometimes just why

the headache is just not worth the call

the good times are meant to be memories

nothing is ever good after the failure the millionth do over

I miss his face…. goofy ass faces

I don’t miss his annoying tiraids

I just need to forget

its making me crazy

all the lies, for why

looking back none of it was real, was it?

I feel like a joke & again

the past is the past, I need to leave it there

hurt feelings seem to always be mine

erased pictures that he’d torn & burned

thrown away like they never mattered

like I never mattered

the flashy clothes, and changing styles

I miss being part of a bigger family

his bigger family

but they turned on me & mine like we were a virus

no faith, no understanding and worse the lack of empathy

he didn’t even try, I should have known better

the youthful have such big talk of dreams but no effort or follow through

the projects finished and some that were not

he never minded helping I miss that

saying goodbye is never easy

I could have been nicer & not yelled

but I was angry & meant what I said

he was all about himself

boasting about all the things he wanted, knowing I was struggling

without a thought I really trusted and expected him to be reliable

the mind plays tricks

the truth is always said in anger

& the mind remembering good times is confusing

the bad times were bad

good times were really good

it was really toxic

I was called an angel, & now a demon

I just couldn’t make it work anymore

they just said it was made my fault

just painful