Suffering

Depression is a demon

I’m having a hard time

I’m doing my best to keep it together

I’ve had those closest to me lie straight to my face

I’ve had them treat me like I’m crazy

treated me like I’m not worthy

treated me like my sacrifices are meaningless

like my pain isn’t worth thier time

In a room full of people I feel alone

my own insecurities has convinced me that having less than worthy people in my life was on because I didn’t want to be alone

so I’ve stepped back

given those folks nothing but space

I’m not being overly sensitive

I’m feeling genuine severe pain

its a simple as statements made without disregard for how I may take those words

I’ve been told that I’m fierce with my words

to be exact,,, “I’m savage!”

I’ve had my heart trampled on in ways that I’m finding it almost impossible to recover

to those I’ve hurt, I truly have made the efforts to make amends

to some close to 20 years worth

I chose to no longer hear your words of humiliation

but to hear my own of uplifting positivity & self encouragement

in this battle I am truly alone

I will NOT be high jacked into relationships

I refuse to let others falsify my truths

if you’re against me, trust me…

You have no place here

I will not be silent or turn a blind eye

but I will give you silence

you think about the words spoken the ripped through me like a knife

& if you don’t remember them, I will be more than happy to place them upon the table for you to dissect

chew back up & mull over alone, just as you made me feel when you said them

if you hurt me & now no longer have access to me, ask yourself why

its so hard not to throw out names & lay peoples bullshit bare

believe me its coming

play with me if you want to…

I’ll bust that can of worms wide the fuck open

the aftermath is all on you