Round & Round

I’ve gone over events in my mind so many times

Given chances for people to do the right thing again & again

People have come & gone in my life

Still the same thing becomes clear, I keep thinking each time just one will be different & I won’t be disappointed

Should I harden my heart? Be more cold & not take chances? Not give people the benefit of the doubt?

What lesson am I missing? I still put my heart out there for the mere glimpse of potential and possibilty.

Why do I keep getting so disappointed?

I do try to be a better person every day and yet here I am

Thinking it’s my fault. I take responsibility for my actions and still get the short end of the stick.

I know that if I remain true to myself one day I will reap the benefits of my efforts

Those I’ve been so giving to will still tell the story of how I was so horrible & its sad.

In my heart I know that my requests weren’t unreachable & those no longer with me, take away a piece of my soul that can’t be replaced.

I know they need to look into the depths of their souls & face their choices

Maybe the lesson for me was to continue to release them into the world peacefully with ideas of elevation

I hope that those become better for the next person they cross paths with

I pray my efforts for whomever were not all in vain…

I would hate to think that my kindness was just the stepping stone for their ideas to become better within but just not with me

I’m sure there are those that say I’m the biggest bitch this side of the Mason Dixon & others believed I was weak for always seeing potential & holding them to it.

I’ve been broken & defeated but never once was I user or blatantly cruel

I battle these thoughts which turn over & over in my mind

I guess this will go round & round in my mind until finally it will make sense