Gut instincts

There are things that happen throughout life that leave you with feelings of betrayal & uncertainty, never ignore them.

I recently had a relationship that started a bit unorthodox for my norm. He was much younger than I am.

I’ve been through alot & thought, maybe this can work. He flawlessly gave compliments, said things that lifted my spirit, which warmed my heart. I was very sweet on him, & am still very much so to today but I always had an underlying gut feeling that something was just a bit off.

I treated him like the man in the relationship as you should. I was open and honest from the very first day of conversation. In meeting his mother, I was clear that I had no idea where this would go but we would try and regardless of anything we would remain great friends.

As time passed, I noticed things not adding up. The time lines of his history did not match to his age. There were things revealed that he did not say until I asked. I will always have love for him but in all honesty, I made more excuses for him, in my mind, than should have been allowed.

I am not going to trash his character but I will say this, if your words don’t match your actions than there in lyes a whole different problem. I will not air out every detail because it’s just not necessary, for him or myself. I listened to his words but watched his actions more.

Thinking, You can’t tell me you are SO in love with me and erase me like I never existed, while claiming to fight for an US. Every picture was removed, loving comments removed and flat out saying things in anger that can’t be explained away.

If you react in anger to an event, those reactions are your true intent.

I asked for a break because I truly believed time could fix the problem. I observed as things that needed to be done, only became achieved after his departure. I questioned, too little too late?

I whole heartedly moved forward with him the hopes that we could build something or at least try.

I do still care for him and always will but that gut instinct outweighs all. I want him to be happy in everything he does because regardless of whether we worked or not, I care for him that much.

Maturity is: saying what you mean, meaning what you say and NOT saying it mean.

Maturity is Not being hurtful, when angry. Not saying and doing things you can’t take back.

For quite some time now, I’ve been learning more and more about myself. I have to be true to myself, First! I have to listen to that inner voice, it never fails me.

Botton line; I’m loving myself enough to pour my heart into pages to free myself of anything that makes me question my own integrity.

I’m no angel and I’m not playing victim its unwarranted. I was very good to him and he knows this deep down. We tried and it didn’t work for me.

Looking back, I see manipulative behavior. I can’t accept the following: temper tantrums, out bursts or silent treatment spurts when simple things don’t work as planned.

Its unfortunate now, but the words were said, “I can’t even look at you!” So sadly I move on, he will be loved & missed, sometimes with a tear and also at times a smile.

I didn’t want it this way, but nevertheless, I will leave the pain right here!

Until next time…..