Renee Proctor, was the one safe place that I had. God chose to take her home to rest. May calming place was gone, & from then until now ~my best memory is and was her infectious smile, and contagious laugh!
As I opened my eyes today, I realized not everyone will like the way I see and do things, & that’s okay! I know my heart & that is all that matters!
My Anam Cara ~ my Soul Friend, sistah and best friend ~
I am a very private person you know this, so choosing this avenue was a difficult decision for me. I do not like to feel vulnerable & I do not like feeling uncomfortable. As I write I feel a sense of release, a tranquility that shines a light in a dark place. Renee is in everything I do, the purple butterfly is her and my inspiration, as shown on my cover page.
No one is the writer of my truth, I am…. She would constantly remind me of that! I am not here to please others. It’s time for me to start being okay with saying, “NO!” I love myself enough, to know that when I need to make a change for my own personal growth, emotional health, mental well being that is what I need to do.
I will not allow others to dictate, manipulate or coerce me into feeling guilty. I am learning to accept that in some situations people viewed me with their eyes & their perceptions. It’s okay to have an opinion but, it it not okay to make your perception fact. That is their truth as they see it, It’s not mine!
I have many relationships in my life that are damaged & changing. I am trying to rebuild those that are in a place of wreckage and others are changing as life does. I know you hear me when I tell you what’s going on… “Are you E’ffing kidding me?” your classic line….. ya~ I know right, it’s crazy!
Renee, I see the cardinals and the butterflies and they bring me comfort… I know you are watching, I miss you…. Forgive me for sometimes being angry, I’m not trying to be selfish. I know that I am not the only one that misses you, Everyday!
It’s taken me a few days to come back to this writing as I was overwhelmed with exactly what I wanted to say to you. I miss your voice and laughter, & how you always understood the meaning of everything I was expressing even if it wasn’t said out loud.
Beauty Smiles 